A day in the life of Ice-T.

I gotta imagine that being Tracy Marrow is a tough gig. Turning 50 next year and still unable to speak a word of English. As I am wont to do, I spend time during the day doing various shiz about the crib del MCHY and watching Law & Order. It is almost possible to find a Law & Order on SOME satellite channel somewhere in the US at any time of the day. How lucky am I, that I love the show so much?

So there I am, watching L&O:SVU and Ice-T, a.k.a. Nestea walks into the cop room where there is a conspicuous absence of doughnuts and announces: Detetib Arlo! Dey found de weapah on de ruh, Sahgeh Prawc sez to get de warrah! According to my Close Captioning, which I need in my old age, he said… Dectective Arlo, they found the weapon on the roof, Sargeant Price says to get a warrant. Then he made this hard-core gansta look at Chris Merloni (who doesn’t flinch at Ice’s New Jersey antics) and moonwalks out the room. BUT… in his hand… a fucking DOUGHNUT! Not only is he a master of unintelligible rhyme, he is a prestigitator extraordinaire! Now that I think about it, I remember watching one of his videos where he walks into a restaurant in New York City and all the Western-European Americans and Mexican Americans in the restaurant turn invisible. Not a ONE to be seen! Even the kitchen was full of African Americans. However, I believe that one of the guys there was from the Dominican Republican, so I cannot say that Ice is a MASTER of the mystical arts, but perhaps a dabbler.

If Wolf would have cast Marrow alongside the original L&O crew, shit would have been different, I can assure you. i.e. :

  • Ice-T : Yo beddah cun down tede crying seen, counsler, dey gottza be pudding dem boddahz on eyes. (It is imperative that your presence be made at the crime scene Counselor, they are going to move the bodies to the morgue in the lower South end of downtown Manhattan.)
  • Sam Waterston : I will make my presence as I deem germane, detective. Please take this large container of marijuana to the evidence room and sign it it. There are 3.4 kilos in that container.
  • Ice-T : Ha. Ha. Hahahaha. 1.5 kilos, yessir.


Now… please don’t get the idea that I am casting Ice-T as a racial stereotype with regards to his street accent. Charles Dutton would have something to say about that, I am assured. But unless you are paying attention, it is sometimes hard to dig what Nestea is trying to say. Especially if you are not watching his lips move. Which I was NOT when I heard the above-mentioned exchange. I personally really like the guy. He just needs to slow down and enunciate when on camera. In the style of perhaps Mr. Kenneth Branagh or Sir Alec Guinness.

Join us next week when we explore Malcolm McDowell in his greatest role ever : Mr. Rourke of Fantasy Island.

Still trying to get some cats up.

I… love you all.

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