About Dicktater Supreme

I am the Dicktater Supreme of the website MyCatHatesYou dot com. So, eat that, honkies!

More new cats.
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New cats have arrived!

Yes, it is true!  After much work on the 2016 Bad Cat calendar, I have a plethora of new cats to share with the legion of MCHY followers… that is, if a legion is comprised of a dozen or so crazy cat ladies and one crazy cat guy.  Click on the pics below to get to the latest additions to Gallery 11.


MyCatHatesYoudotcom update

So, it is no secret that the MCHY HQ is now in Issaquah, WA.  We are enjoying the good life with the bear and the deer and the rabbit.  The environment definitely makes a peaceful place to work on an evil cat website.  Maleficent is digging it the most.  She believes she is the Queen Lioness Huntress of Issaquah.  Alas, she is not allowed outside, so she gets to hunt errant flies that sneak into the HQ.  Whatever works, says I.  She needs to have good self esteem.  Here is a recent pic of her after her yearly trip to the vet and the inevitable anal thermometer insertion.  She still hates me for that.  But what else is new?

 

2016 Bad Cat calendar update

Thank you everyone for the submissions to the 2016 Bad Cat calendar.  We have finished it and it is being edited currently.  When I get the final cut some time later this year, I will know whose kitties made the cut.  Those folks will get a free copy of it (postage paid by MCHY) when they get into my hot hands next September (2015).  Yes it takes that long for some reason.

Random shit

As most of you know, five years ago, on June 23 2009-my 40th birthday-I bailed out of Seattle and drove to Baltimore to try a new start on life.  Exactly two years later (do the math), I discovered how wrong a human can be with their choices and left Baltimore to live in the upstate New York area in an RV before eventually leaving the east coast back to Seattle.  Now three years later (yes, I turned 45 last month), I am happy again and successful in my private and professional life.  But let’s not talk about me.

More importantly, 45 years ago the first human being stepped a foot on another world.  Yeah, it was the moon, but still, another world.  Thank you to Neil (RIP) and Buzz and Mike for being brave and smart and meticulous to prove that the whole is greater than the parts.  So, happy Neil Day to everyone.  I weep.

Football season is nigh!  I am almost finished with my hangover from the Super Bowl, just in time to start on another one for the next six months.  There will be updates here and there on the success of the current World Champion Seattle Seahawks.  The best my friends!

If anyone is still coming around to visit this site, I wish you all the best of health and wealth and hating cats!

That is all.

Jim

Hell hath frozen over…
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Hello all!  Yes, it has been two months since I blabbed about nothing here.  Please do not lose hope.  There are always more cats on the horizon.  But now, let us talk about what has been going on in MCHY world.

Happy Birthday to us!

December 17, 2013, MCHY celebrated our 13th birthday.  We were the first cat humor website on the Internet. (you can check that, foo!)  At least with respect to captioned images and goofy stories.  I am sure some Geocities user probably had some site with pictures of their cats shitting on their shoes, but graphic feline humor has been our #1 raison d’être since day one.  We predate funnycatpix.com by six years, funnycatsite.com by seven, and the unscrupulous lolcats.com by five-point-five years.  Even stuffonmycat.com came along some five years later than us.  Do we take pride in the fact we are the original and first cat humor website on the Internet?  You fucking know it!  We were selling hoodies and mousepads and shit before those mother-scratchers had their peach fuzz whiskers!  We don’t update as much as we used to, but we are still here, plugging away.  So, welcome back if you have not been here for awhile and if this is your first time here, we have ~5000 cats to peruse and steal and post on Facebook and Google Plus (if that is even still around).

Why hath hell frozen over?

In case you live on Antarctica (which is still no excuse) or are one of those too-good-for-everyone-else sport-eschewers that likes to post to Facebook JUST how much you do NOT think about football (which you obviously do), the Seahawks of Seattle have six weeks ago claimed the top prize in the game of American Football.  It is called the Lombardi Trophy and its ownership is achieved by earning more points than your rival in a game called the Super Bowl.  This is what it looks like, ese!

Maybe you have heard of it, spoken about in hushed tones around your office water cooler.  Maybe you believe, as you should, that it contains mysteries of the universe, emanates occult powers, can summon beings from other dimensions, is a vessel of the lord Jehovah his very self.  As MCHY itself is headquartered in Seattle, and our fondness of the Seahawks is no secret, we were extremely pleased when the game was over and our team was victorious with the score of 43 – 8 over the previously glorified Denver Broncos.

Peyton Manning’s team was a force to be reckoned with during the regular season, amassing more points than any team in NFL single-season history.  They set records left and right, Manning himself throwing more TD passes than any other QB in history, at the age of 37.  A formidable feat, to be sure!  They were the favorites to win the contest, and almost every pundit in the sport agreed they would demolish the Seahawks with their clever offensive scheme and the pure prowess of The Greater of the two Mannings.  This turned out to be folly and sadly wistful speculation.

The Seattle defense, known as the Legion of Boom, was in force that day in East Rutherford, NJ, and held the team NFL Channel was calling “The Team of Destiny” to only 8 points, due to a late-game Denver touchdown and a 2-pt conversion.  These points were to be the only points from Denver that day, and according to our coach, The Illustrious Lord Carroll, were some garbage points we let them score because a shutout would be considered poor sportsmanship.  The following images are from the Great Defeat.  Enjoy them.

Malcolm Smith (the game’s MVP) returning an interception from Lord Manning for a touchdown.

Percy Harvin (the secret weapon) scoring a touchdown 0:12 seconds into the second half.

Peyton Manning, surprised to see the opening hike of the game sail past him for a Seattle safety 0:12 secs into the game.

Malcolm Smith, a good old boy from The Valley and graduate from my high school, Taft High, and the Lombardi trophy.

Russell Wilson, the too-short-for-the-NFL quarterback, holding aloft the grand prize of them all, in his second fucking year!  Eat shit, haters!

Coach Carroll getting the Gatorade™ bath after the trouncing of the Broncos.  The best moment of his life and the lives of many championship-starved Seattleites.

I, Jim, will say this: we have waited a damned long time to win this fucking thing, and I am going to revel in it until I die (next year).  I went to the parade the following Wednesday in downtown Seattle.  There were over 700,000 people in the city that day, some flying in from as far as Australia, to enjoy the victory of a team well-suited to win many more.  It is hard to express how much elation and joy the city felt that day.  The team came through the city from the Space Needle to the Clink on various vehicles, enthusiastic the entire time, low-fiving fans, Marshawn Lynch drinking one fan’s Fireball and throwing Skittles™ all over the crowd.  It was the biggest love-fest I have ever seen and well-deserved.  We did it, Seattle!  The 12th man was all over MetLife stadium and from the first snap to Manning I, you could feel their effect on the game.  Way to go, guys!  I love you always!  GO HAWKS!

New Cats?

Hell yes, my friends!  There are only a few now, but I have a shitload in the pipeline to post. Click the pics below to check out the newest kitty updates!

 

ATHENA!

Because our fans were asking for another picture of Athena Baxivanos, here ya go!!!  It is one of those rare moments when one realizes that one’s boobs are bigger than their head.

A funny thing happened recently.  Someone that knows–or now, KNEW–Athena Baxivanos rather intimately contacted me about her.  He challenged me about things I have written, stating her assertion that I had written poorly about her because I was *crazy*.  Oh, the irony.  He asked me why I said she is a racist.  I explained that for one, the only word she has for black people is “nigger.”  That is how she describes them vehemently.  It was my first real interaction with a career racist, I explained.  I never knew anyone who hated minorities as much as she did.  The person said this could be a problem because he has a ethnically varied base of friends.  I replied, “Not for long.”  He asked if I had proof.  This was apparently a real deal-breaker for him, if it were true.  Of course, all I could give were anecdotes, true though they were.  Until I remembered the rap songs.

Oh yes my friends!  When we lived in Florida (which Athena Baxivanos may assert is a figment of my imagination because I am *crazy*) I was fucking around on my Mac, making strange *crazy* songs because I had nothing else to do.  She asked if I could make rap beats.  Yes.  So I put together some crappy urban-sounding tracks with that funky synth lead we would all like to forget.  She immediately sat down and crafted some pretty terrible lyrics about her “monkey” who was no “honky.”  She went on to explain how he spent all his time in the penitentiary and mooched off the tax-payer because he is a “monkey”… he’s no “honky.”  And he has lots of kids that don’t know he is their daddy.  Interesting stuff from a nice bleach-blonde from Baltimore.  Then Athena Baxivanos recorded her hard-core rap on the Mac and I saved it away for some reason.  It was these TWO songs that I found in reply to the request for “proof” of her racism.  I emailed them to the dude and he could not believe “what the fuck?”  What? I replied.  You thought I was LYING?  Because SHE says *I* am crazy.  L…O…L my friend.  He then believed what I was saying and did what he had to do.  I will be posting them soon for all to hear, by the way.  They are quite the art pieces, my top-quality beats aside.

 

Welly welly welly welly welly welly well!
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Yes, I stole the title of this post from the master, but no matter. It is the import of the emotion that counts here. It looks like several months have passed since MCHY has had much to say. It is my fault, of course. I have been negligent and if anyone is left visiting the site, here are some nuggets for you:

Happy birthday to us! It has been thirteen years since we first posted pictures of Alex's cats and their destructive power. Now, one and one-third decades later, we have over 5000 naughty kitties collected from around the world. To celebrate, we have a nice bundle of over one hundred new cats for your perusal. Click the pics below to check out the newest kitty updates!




So, what else has been going on since fucking July?

I, he who is called Jim, was given some months off from my gig at AT&T. During that time away I did some traveling and some writing for a new book. More on the book in later posts as things come to fruition on that front.

During my travels, I had the most wonderful opportunity to travel to Albany, NY, to visit with my "new" sister, Kelly. And during that visit, my brother John - who also traveled there - and I whisked away with Kelly and her adorable son, PJ, to meet our birth father. We had not seen him since 1972, the best I can figure. That would be forty-one years for me, and thirty-nine years for John. Without going into details of how this came to be, I can report that it was quite the experience. Our father and his wife, Sheila, were extremely gracious and wow, how fun that weekend was. It was pretty strange talking and watching our progenitor and realizing that we are INDEED his sons. John and I left both in agreement that it was the best weekend we had ever had. I can't wait to see them again. Our family got bigger overnight. Tripppppy, man!

And then I got to Manhattan and met little brother, Michael Edgar. He works at Google and is the extreme nerd… very close to my heart. Even though I am about twenty years older than him, we had a great time talking about technology and his life with dad and Kelly. I wish I had met him earlier, but it did not matter, we still had a good connection. But, fuck, dude, living in Manhattan has got to be stressful. His pad was about the size of my master bedroom in Seattle. But he can walk to work and loves living in Chelsea. I forgot how much I loved Manhattan. If I were the religious sort, prone to belief in mythology, etc., I would thank Jehovah for this opportunity. As it was, I can thank the Internet. Which is sort of like a god, is it not?

Other trips were taken to Beaverton, OR, to hang out with an old MCHY friend. A lot of drinking and other things went down, if you know what I mean. Whoa… TMI! I got a nice suitcase out of it, also! Shows you how good I am ;)

So, Christmas is upon us and all I have to offer you is some great cat pics! I hope this is okay for now. As I always say, I will be more prudent in getting more cats up. We are still working on the super MCHY contest for the XBOX. Stay tuned.

If you are on Facebook, please join our presence there. All the pics are there without the stupid rhetoric I spew here :)

But before we go, a lovely picture of Athena Baxivanos.





Happy 17 of July!
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Thank you to everyone!

The submissions are still pouring in for the calendar, but I think we are all good for now!  The submissions will of course be used on the site as soon as we get them captioned and up on the site!

In the meantime, you can see the new kitties by clicking on thems below!


 

2014 Bad Cat Calendars are in!

I just got a pre-shipment of the 2014 Bad Cat wall calendars.  Everyone who is owed one will be getting theirs.  I will be in touch soon!  Stay tuned for more pics for your perusal!

That is all. – Jim

Finally some new GD cats!
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Sorry for the 34 year delay!

I am… sorry.  I am… behind on everything, but I finally got a new bunch (55!) of kittehs up thanks to all the help from the MCHY forum folks!  Click on the link to the left that says Newest Kitty Uploads and, well, see THE GOD DAMNED NEW KITTIES!

I am STILL workin on the new MCHY contest, but it is going to be so complex (yet so worth it) that I have had to CREATE the clues myself.  Yes, this is true.  I went out in the “REAL WORLD” and have created clues – that eventually show up on the Internet.  Which you will need.  To solve the damned puzzle.  But hey, the prize is a REAL XBOX 360 and shit.  And now for BETTER news:

Happy Two Year Anniversary to me!

This is a week or so late, but it must be celebrated!  On June 19, 2011, I wrote my four-page missive to Athena Baxivanos, drank ½ a bottle of Maker’s Mark, and made my comfy bed on the couch.

The next morning, she drove her BMW away to her job at the University of Maryland Medical Center, where she worked with “a bunch of worthless n*****s” – her words.  This was June 20, 2011 – Independence Day.

I made quick and took a shower, not forgetting to pee on the floor as a little treat for her when she got back.

Then I loaded up my truck with the most important things in my life:  my computer, my guns, and my guitar.  I had to leave my precious Nigels with Athena Baxivanos, sad to say.  I sure miss that kitty.  When I would walk by him, he would reach out his little paw and pat me to just say “Hi daddy!”  He would not have done well with me, though, because I was on the road for months and he would not have liked living in a trailer in the mountains of upstate New York with no AC.  Shit, I didn’t even like it, but I had the wine, so I was all right.

It took a lot for me to get up in the morning (mostly because of the hangover) and drive away from the abuse I had endured for two years.  Most people would say, no no no Jim, it would be easy.  But it wasn’t.  ‘nough said.  I left her a pile of cash to kill my phone account that was in her name and a lovely letter explaining how she had been right all the time and her life would be better without me.

I had left her a few times before, and then been convinced that “things will be better” if I come back, so I did.  Things would be better for a week or so, but then the shit would start up all over again.  So, June 20, two years after I left Seattle for her, three days before my 42nd birthday, I left for good.

There was a bit of PTSD that went along with that relationship, which now, two years later, I am pretty much done with.  I still have nightmares of living with her and her incredibly impossible moods and jealousies and ridiculous demands and expectations. I wake up in a full panic attack, unable to breathe normally, etc., just from the mental imagery of her twisted, scowling face.  I can’t say more.  Or can I?

Her racism was especially terrible and unnerving.  No class or color of human was safe from her excoriating.  Why I dealt with it, I can’t say because I do not know.

If I lived in a ditch in the middle of Mexico with no legs and incurable diarrhea, I would still be happier than the years I spent with her.  So, happy Independence Day to Jim and I am sure glad to be back among my people here in the Pacific Northwest and back in touch with you crazy cat people.

That is all. – Jim