You have halal Big Mac™?
avatar

Welcome to February, 2012! Only ten months left to live! The ass steroid is coming, so we are preparing a special batch of MCHY Lube-a-Dube-Dube in 50 gallon drums. Look folks, when the end is near, you don’t wannt be unprepared for the big anal reaming, do you?

If you were not unfortunate enough to download our year in review, which was hosed by YouTube because I had some copyrighted music in it, you can get the February audio/video update below! The way I saw it, Amy Winehouse is dead, why does she care if I steal her wonderful rehab song? Well, I got around THAT bullshit by using music given to me from some U.K. djs in exchange for use of MCHY pictures on the fliers for their gigs. Suck ballsac, ASCAP! Don’t forget to wait for the end where the McDonald’s guy has to deal with "I WANT HALAL BIG MAC" guy.

So, I got this job thing and have been busy ramping up on tech I am not familiar with and getting back into the routine of actually going to sleep at night. Though it has disturbed the flow of MCHY insanity, it is the best for all concerned and I DO have weekends to get shit rolling here. Which is now! Feb 3, 2012! I have a batch of about 50 cats I plan to get up on the site this weekend in all their irreverent feline glory. Look for them by Monday.

Can’t do shit on Sunday cause the Giants of New York are gonna stomp all over the Patriots of New England. I know… I know… I got lots of N.E. fans for friends, but I have to at least root for my Seahawk conference. We can agree to not stab each other in the parking lot, YES?

If you care NOT to watch the news update above, at least give it up for Manfred Mann’s Earth Band in a live performance.

You gotta love SMPTE encoding, don’t ya?

For those who have been asking me, I am working for AT&T in Redmond, WA., pushing buttons, hooking up cables, watching things go "bleep bleep sputter sputter" by the graces of some friends from the olds days. It amazes me how incestuous the tech industry is around here. And I suppose aerospace as well and maybe crabbing?

I have so much more to blab about, but I really need some sleep. My eyes are about to start bleeding from looking at computer monitors 12 hours a day.

Much love from Newcastle, WA!

More goodbyes from MCHY… sniff.
avatar

It seems that we are saying goodbye these days on MCHY more than we used to! Perhaps it is due to the realization that there really is only so much time left and what to do with it? Well… put up more irreverent kitties to fill your desktop and mobile devices (more on that later). Here are some goodbyes for this blog entry:

Goodbye to the south end of Husky Stadium as work to rebuild it has begun.

A very sad farewell to Sarah Burke, who died at the age of 29 after a wipe-out on a practice run in Park City, Utah. She ruptured her vertebral artery after completing a trick on a half-pipe and went into cardiac arrest.

Thursday, 9 Jan, she succumbed to her injuries after being in a coma since the accident and passed away. She was a four-time X Games Champion and had successfully lobbied the IOC to have the "superpipe" added to the 2014 Olympics. A sad fucking day for the sport, her family, and her husband of just over a year. MCHY are big fans of hers. Goodbye, Sarah.

What cannot be said about Etta James who died this week as well? The voice, the persona, the woman. It is hard to not count on my fingers and toes how many people I know used her "At Last" song as their wedding pronouncement. Indeed Strabo and his wife did! Goodbye Etta and millions of people are going to miss your voice.

No one can lament the passing of the Presidential aspirations of the whack-job known as Rick Perry. Rapture-Bot predicted this a little bit early last year, but his logic algorithms were sort of skewed due to some crappy code I wrote because I was busy watching Dancing With the Stars. He endorses the Newt Gingrich now. W@W! What a train wreck that guy is. Open marriage, cheating and all the good "family values" the right-wing espouses. Losers both! Though it is not something we would normally do, MCHY is going to endorse a Republican candidate this year. More on that as the race progresses.

What is new is that I, Jim, have a new job and apartment in the realm of Newcastle, WA., which I prefer to call Whitecastle, because I have not seen a brother or sister in the ‘hood since I moved in six days ago. I am a contract employee with AT&T, the masters of all things telephonic. I can’t say more due to NDA, but I WILL say that the iPhone 6 is pretty damned cool looking. Yes, iPhone 6! The 5 has been passed over due to the screen constantly summoning the spirit of Steve Jobs asking "are we there yet?" WTF? Spooked a lot of us out in the test lab and finally my boss, Mick, tossed it into the creek behind the office, where it floated in place for two days asking "am I drowned yet?"

I have many emails asking how I ended up back on the Best Coast after my two-year ordeal with Athena Baxivanos. Well, that surely is a long harrowing story that I have to explicate to you all in some future update. But I will say that living with Athena Baxivanos for two years made me realize the fine line between sanity (me) and insanity (her). And then there is her "gym trainer" Ben Graff from the Andrews Institute. What a piece of work that guy is. Dudes… please… never take steroids! Ben Graff reported to Athena Baxivanos how they debilitated his penis to the point of ineffectualness. Ben Graff! What are you thinking! Athena Baxivanos reported to me that Ben Graff was nothing but a pile of muscle with no neck and could not achieve that state which most women would like to have to pleasure them. Ben Graff did think enough of himself to expose his penis (what he had) to Athena Baxivanos while they drove back from their weekly dinners on Pensacola Beach. But this was not the first time Ben Graff exposed himself to Athena Baxivanos. No no no. He had the hots for her and her implants since he met her while I was in Seattle selling everything I owned to accomodate her new life in Florida. Shame Ben Graff, shame! More on Athena Baxivanos and Ben Graff later, there is so much more to be known!

For now, I must return to my hookah and my astrolabe to determine the path of events yet to come! I love you all and believe that 2012 is going to be fucking awesome… unless you are Athena Baxivanos or Ben Graff. It would suck to be 40 years old and not have a penis that works!

Happy New Year punks!
avatar

So, here we are in 2012. Are we going to die from some ancient Mayan curse? Is planet X, a.k.a. Nibiru (or Trasalank) going to bring our slavemasters to Earth to reap benefits from the spermogenesis they unleashed 6000 years ago? What the fuck is going on here on our rock?

Here at MCHY we have a wee bit of the insight! Please click below to see the MCHY Year in Review video clip. It is offensive (as one would expect) and also in the .m4v format. If you do not dig it the most, I cry all over my gold bars. *sob sob*

Anniversaries

Let’s see here in the ball of crystal… OH! It is the birthday of the King of Rock and/or Roll music. Happy birthday Elvis Presley.

One year ago, the insane schizo Jared Lee Laughner kills a bunch of people in Tuscon, AZ because he is… well, an insane schizo. Gabrielle Giffords is shot through the skull, and I do mean THROUGH, and survives. I wonder how that went over in jail?

Cop: Hey, nutjob asshole bald guy, Giffords, your intended target of assassination didn’t die. You know she was a friend of the President, doncha? You are going to be sitting around in a concrete room for a long time.

Jared: uhhh… *drool* *sputter*

Happy birthday to Dr. Stephen Hawking as well! And he is still alive. MCHY did an interview with Dr. Hawking "last year" that I am in the process of editing and getting onto the website for everyone to listen to. It is very enlightening. And ALL about cats, can you believe that?

Dating Advice – Pt. 1

Though I am only 42 years young, I believe I have – through the mystical, ancient Chinese process of failure – gathered enough "weird tricks" and "superlative triple undergrounds" to have some beneficial rhetoric that remains in the state of Cairo-ness. Stone and the reeds of the Nile are testament. This is the truth as it has been made known to me by the creator, Harleton Cheston. Mostly will these be relative to men, it works in any direction.

  • If your girlfriend tells you "I am a man-hater!", she is. For sure, no doubt. She has major "daddy issues" and will never look at you as an equal and will in fact blame you for every evil in the world and in fact tell you that ALL men want to rape their daughters and bring STDs (notably herpes) home to their wives. It is best to leave the relationship as soon as humanly possible. You will probably have to borrow money for a place to stay because she has spent all your money.
  • If this fictional "love of your life" tells you that "I never take money from men!" do not believe her, and – as an act of self-preservation – leave as soon as possible. The truth will be that she WILL in fact take ALL of your money, while claiming she is independant from men who seek to prey on her worldly goods. You will hear this crap spewed daily, while you pay for EVERYTHING because she has "forgotten her wallet" or "just needs a few dollars real quick." Understand that when you suggest SPLITTING the $100 dinner she will explain that it is "OUR MONEY, SO WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT?" to which you will have to wonder: if it is OUR money, why does it always come out of MY bank account. You would do well to have a separate bank account where you keep the majority of your wealth, because within a month or two this person will be asking to see your bank balance because you are "…in a committed relationship, so I should know how much money you have."
  • If you are driving down the street with your girlfriend in her BMW 325i and she yells out the window to the black woman and her young children walking down the street, "You gotta kill those while they are young!" or screams at people driving next to her, "Get the hell over, you fucking ****ers!" it would be suggested by empirical evidence that you leave the relationship because a racist does not make a good partner in the long run. Eventually, she will turn on YOUR nationality and the ancestors of your very family.
  • If your sweetheart constantly casts judgements on every human within her visual targeting system, bringing attention to their race, height, weight, visage, clothing, gait, hairstyle, car, make-up, purse, red-tipped cane, and then condems them for being human, understand that you will be next on the list. As will all of your friends, anyone you were in a relationship in the past, your family, etc. It must be said that no one can be as perfect as this partner of yours. You will never meet their expectations and your clothes are "stupid Seattle outfits" that don’t belong anywhere outside the 206 area code. (or whatever city you may hail from)
  • More to come…

Happy Holidays from Mars!
avatar

Most people don’t know this, but the MCHY crew usually spends the last two weeks of the year on what we call "mental leave." It is a time for us to reflect on the actions of the rest of the planet, feline and otherwise, during the last fifty weeks. We do this in the comfort of a little resort lodge called "Hornady Springs" which is really a misnomer as it is set into the side of the Candor Chasma Rim, a few thousand feet above the floor of the canyon. Like you back on Earth we are also waiting for the guy covered in red. HA HA HA! That is a Mars joke! Everything here is covered in red.

We have brought a nice collection of the news of Earth along with us on some wafer drives to scan the next few days and put together the once-in-a-while-annual MCHY Year-in-Review. This should be uploaded to the site on 1 Jan for your perusal, approval, denial, etc. This is a HAHA on NASA, because we will be using the "dead" rover Spirit to transmit that blog entry as well as this one. My engineer extraordinaire, Johnny Sung, located the little bastard about five clicks away (Johnny loves taking day trips around the canyon walls) and determined that the rover may be "dead" with respect to service to NASA, but has enough juice to upload our content… albeit at 9600bps.

So look forward to the Year-in-Review and maybe a few more cats on 1 Jan. The team promised ourselves that we would not be doing any "work" except the Y-i-R, but as there is not much more to do here except ski the Chasma wall and scout the local ruins, we tend to fall into old habits.

One last word from Johnny Sung: I see in the last week that evil bastard Kim Jong Il has finally gone to great kim-chi bar in the sky. On Mars we are not crying on knees in wailing despair, fyi. More to come in Y-i-R! Happy days!