Tuesday, 21 March 2006 : Alex's Rant...
Alex said that you needed this, so here it is...
INTERNATIONAL DIATRIBE-ISH
Hi KIDS!
Today we will compare international phrases which involve cats, and whatever else the hell I find amusing. "International" means American vs. Russian, which makes sense, since I'm an American in Russia. Duh.
PIGS VS. CATs
American phrase: "Pig in a Poke"
Equivalent Russian phrase: "Кот в мешке", or "Cat in a Bag"
I honestly don't know what a "poke" is, nor am I gonna look it up. I'll just assume that it's some place you can put a pig, and that it's opaque. After that, one could begin to do Schroedinger models about pig waves collapsing, but i think the point is is that you don't see the pig. I guess the deal is, you don't know what sort of pig you're gonna get.
Now the Russians' version assumes that you were dumb enough to purchase a cat in a bag. If you think about it, that IS quite foolhardy... this cat can personify all levels of EVIL, from eye-gouging to corner-pissing.
"Fuck me, I got a bad pig," says the owner of a Pig in a Poke. "Fuck you?!? FUCK ME!!! This damn cat I bought in a Bag just killed my firstborn, and pissed rivers in the corner!!" says the lucky moron who got the Cat in a Bag.
SCORE: AMERICANS - 4, RUSSIANS - 987
CATS VS. RABBITS
American phrase: "Scaredy Cat"
Equivalent Russian phrase: "Испуганный Заяц", or "Scaredy Rabbit"
OK, this one's a no-brainer. Any of us who has the experience of dealing with Bunnies, knows that they have like 3 moods: Munching, Sleeping, and Scared Shitless. I think the Russians are a lot closer to the truth on this one, taking into account the whole range of Cat emotions. I won't list them here, but you all dig. Cats can be ANYTHING but "scaredy". They can be courageously plotting to gouge out your eyes while you sleep, while a rabbit would probably not do so.
SCORE: AMERICANS - 2, RUSSIANS - 5
CATS AS AVATARS OF "FUCKED UP"
American tradition: "Black cat crosses your path..."
Russian saying: "И коту под хвост", or "To the cat under his tail"
Americans are a busy bunch. Whilst I appreciate their smugness and bullshit, I present to you this debate... this is a battle of ideologies. One side believes that if a black cat crosses one's path, all is screwed. The other side presents the opportunity to look at what's under a cat's tail, and to draw conclusions. About one's state of being. You dig.
SCORE: AMERICANS - 0, RUSSIANS - (-500)
So, in essence, I don't give a fuck. But it was pleasant rambling at you retards.
Love,
-A
That is all. - Jim