Goodbye Coach!

Here in Seattle we say goodbye to Coach Holmgren today. Our lopsided loss in Arizona is a fitting end to the season that we thought would never end. I may speak for all Seattleites when I say “Goodbye Coach Holmgren and Mr. Mora, help us all!”

We have suffered for years with the West Coast Offense, which I believe is offensive. Coach, thought I appreciate all you have done for us, including a Super Bowl that we were silently screwed out of, it is time for you to spend time with your family and leave us in the Northwest to put some salve on our wounds and move forward.

4-12, wow! Is this the Seahawks we have come to love? In a word, yes. Seattle is cursed in how many ways? A baseball team that wins 116 games and can’t make it to the big show. Our loving mayor gives away our basketball team for 40 million. The last championship we had was our WNBA team (yum yum Lauren Jackson). What to do? Start over. Jim Mora is our new coach and I hope he gets away from the conservativeness of Coach Holmgren and expands our playbook.

Go San Diego!

Awesome HoliMasUkkahNza!

As it is the tradition at MCHY to insult and denigrate all cultures and people equally, we shall call today HoliMasUkkahNza, because it is also our tradition to bring cultures together in union. Of course, that is only so that we may cast fun at them collectively and save calories.

So, we say on this day, Awesome HoliMasUkkahNza to you all!

It is snowing in MCHY-land (Seattle) and is making life miserable for your lowly narrator. People say if I had children it would be so much more different… fun in the snow!

Hey, if I had kids a LOT would be different. The laundry would be done every week, there would always be a fresh beer in my hand. The driveway would be shoveled and I would have a regiment of snow warriors guarding my abode. I would sleep well at night, knowing my children were standing watch at specified posts throughout the house, armed with taser guns and flash-bang grenades, lest an intruder attempt to disturb my respite. Oh yes my lovelies, if I had children it would be a different world indeed. The thing is… how to beget an army of mercenaries without the involvement of the opposite sex? Until that is figured out, I will gripe and whine about the snow.

There will be more cats this evening for your HoliMasUkkahNza pleasure.

Don’t forget to buy the My Cat Hates You book at your local book dealer! It makes the perfect HoliMasUkkahNza gift (which lasts for 2^5 or 0×00100000 days).

Remember: when John Walsh cries… EVERYBODY cries.

It’s here, let’s git ‘er done!

It is here, my friends! Election Day, ’08 U.S.A. So, get out there and git ‘er done! No matter who you are voting for, be a freaking American and do your civic duty, or you can’t complain, you know?

Don’t forget to by the MCHY book and send them to EVERYONE you know who voted for … oh, yeah, I can’t say that here. Well, BIG LOVE and don’t forget to be an Amahrican!

If you are like Immortal S8N and are from Britain and can’t vote or are from Canada, and are here just mooching off the good paying jobs, sit back and watch the fireworks!


Today is the day! My Cat Hates You hits the retail shelves this very day! Borders – Barnes & Noble – Waldenbooks – everywhere! Buy one today for those you love who are besieged by the evil feline cabal! Put one in the bathroom in case you run out of toilet paper. Use them to shim your table on the uneven floor. We also have the NEW 8th anniversary mousepads available in the Store tab. Dig them the most.

We will be having a special book-release sale on ALL MCHY merchandise next week! Get ready to shop until you drop!

In light of recent events concerning the possible discovery of Mr. Steve Fossett, I am reminded of Sir Richard Branson traipsing about the globe, getting his mug in any possible photo op for anything that might be possibly history making. There is going to be a rocket launch… Richard Branson better be there or it is not legit! Someone is flying across the Himalayas in a balloon, better call Branson and get his beard here to give it validity! I have been wondering for awhile if I was to put out a press release that I was going to take a world record turd, how long it would be before he popped up with a “Cheerio, where’s the dung to be dropped, then?”

Here’s to credit!

The porcelain called my stream of urine like a calf for its mother. I unzipped and let it fly, splash splash. I sighed and looked straight away. Above the urinal was a poster, one of these new advert boards that attack you while you are drunk and susceptible to their methods. It said this:

Get a DELL or HP computer for only $29.99 a month!

I pondered this pitch in my inebriation and realized that for a $19.56 monthly credit card payment, I could buy a Smith & Wesson Model 39 9mm handgun and a box of ammo, go home, load a round in the chamber and blow my brains all over the wall. I ask you what is the better deal? Exactly… AND I never have to actually make a payment on the gun, so I win both ways.

Oh, the feisty feline faeries of Farhnoor (silent h) have been in activity upon my digital bits and have given us 118 new cats for this month. I know, this year has totally been lacking in creativity and impulse. But, I HAVE been working on another book (And so has Beth McNelley) and the 2010 Bad Cat calendar. There will be more news about the book this coming week. There will also be more new cats up on the site this week. Maybe another 50 or 60 or so. Many thanks and $$$ to Beth for helping me with the book, the calendar, and the cats now appearing.

Oh, new word of the month is Jewnius. Some examples:

  • Einstein laid bare the working of the universe with his Special Theory of Relativity. He was a Jewnius of the highest order.
  • After escaping captivity, Schoenberg killed four Nazi guards with a pine needle and half a shoe. He was a historic Jewnius.

The first appearance of the word is found in the book of Shemot, where it describes Moses as he devises a plan to lead the Jews from captivity under Pharaoh. Write it down and use it in synagogue.

It is said that if you look at a girl’s mother, you will see what she will look like in her later years. For someone obsessed with older women, that may be a good piece of advice. Though, I also have to wonder if someone obsessed with children would be able to claim that looking at pictures of the same girl when she was a child would give an inclination as to how attractive children of this person will appear. Attractive for immoral purposes I fear.