The porcelain called my stream of urine like a calf for its mother. I unzipped and let it fly, splash splash. I sighed and looked straight away. Above the urinal was a poster, one of these new advert boards that attack you while you are drunk and susceptible to their methods. It said this:
Get a DELL or HP computer for only $29.99 a month!
I pondered this pitch in my inebriation and realized that for a $19.56 monthly credit card payment, I could buy a Smith & Wesson Model 39 9mm handgun and a box of ammo, go home, load a round in the chamber and blow my brains all over the wall. I ask you what is the better deal? Exactly… AND I never have to actually make a payment on the gun, so I win both ways.
Oh, the feisty feline faeries of Farhnoor (silent h) have been in activity upon my digital bits and have given us 118 new cats for this month. I know, this year has totally been lacking in creativity and impulse. But, I HAVE been working on another book (And so has Beth McNelley) and the 2010 Bad Cat calendar. There will be more news about the book this coming week. There will also be more new cats up on the site this week. Maybe another 50 or 60 or so. Many thanks and $$$ to Beth for helping me with the book, the calendar, and the cats now appearing.
Oh, new word of the month is Jewnius. Some examples:
- Einstein laid bare the working of the universe with his Special Theory of Relativity. He was a Jewnius of the highest order.
- After escaping captivity, Schoenberg killed four Nazi guards with a pine needle and half a shoe. He was a historic Jewnius.
The first appearance of the word is found in the book of Shemot, where it describes Moses as he devises a plan to lead the Jews from captivity under Pharaoh. Write it down and use it in synagogue.
It is said that if you look at a girl’s mother, you will see what she will look like in her later years. For someone obsessed with older women, that may be a good piece of advice. Though, I also have to wonder if someone obsessed with children would be able to claim that looking at pictures of the same girl when she was a child would give an inclination as to how attractive children of this person will appear. Attractive for immoral purposes I fear.
Here it is in a nutshell… you are the future. What a nutshell. It is possibly the size of the biggest nutshell either. In back of the truck it happened.
I was in the hospital for months. Many days, my friends. This is when I learned that nothing like this would ever happen again. You are professional. I am professional. I wish to sweat it up some. This happens when there is nothing else left in the tank.
I want to wear cowboy boots and kick others in the groin. I am not a trucker, though. So what do I do?
I will go to South Dakota where shit is right. I love South Dakota. It is beautiful. You come down out of the I-90, the continental divide and there it is (after you leave Montana) and it is gorgeous. Deadwood here I come. I think it is the best place. Maybe next to Montana. Big Sky Country for sure. The best skies I have ever seen. Utah is awesome too. I love the desert. But I have had too many beers so now I am into the basement of my life.
Who else is onboard? You? You want to sponsor a MCHY roadtrip? Holy shit, I like your ‘tude!
Not the USA Men’s Gymnastic Team! While the Wonder Bros. were nursing their wounds, a bunch of Olympic newbies stepped up and brought home the bronze medal. Congrats boys!
I am not allowed to politick anymore lest I lose all of my Republican fans and viewers. However, to their great joy, I must make two observationss.
John McCain has been proven correct today in that he is no Bushie, and Obama seems to be aligned with the Right!
The current administration is sending an envoy to talk to the Iranians! Just what John McCain said he wouldn’t do, but Obama said he would. So now we see… Bush has taken a page from Obama’s game plan, because they are actually in cahoots. McCain would do good to ‘stay the course’ and never deal with such entities as the Axis of Evil.
In other news, I was corrected regarding my Antarctica post. It appears now that OBAMA has not been to Antarctica to observe the penguins and make snow angels, where McCain has. I have this on a good source who happens to be on ice as I type. She said no one was allowed to talk to McCain however, because he was undergoing some strange bionic replacement.
79 days to go!
Apparently, all the MCHY fans love George Bush, Jr. because I am overcome with feedback saying I am a terrible person for ever doubting the Shrub’s personal war against Islam.
I better stick to cats and not have an opinion as to how my country is being ruined by special interests. I am sure my detractors have had a fantastic life the last eight years because of Dubya. I hope they are enjoying the gas prices because MY FUCKING CATS ARE!
You don’t believe me, go check out the Litterbox feedback posted over the years. Yeah, I know. Blah blah blah, Jim you suck… we love ICANSUXORJIZZBURGERS.CUM better than MCHY.